Sunshine

“Sunshine”

You know sometimes we ummm, we don’t recognize our dreams inside
our reality and uh other times we’re not aware of exactly
what’s real ya know we walk around day dreaming but the sunshine, the sunshine always is…. and I

[Chorus:]
I just wanna see my lovely sunshine(Sunshine)
I just wanna bring back all of my blue skies
And if you take away my rainbow I will cry(cry)
Give me back my sunshine

Dreaming my state of being and I see you smiling youi’re so happy just laughing and standing strong I’m missing you right
here Listen to my tears I’m waking up to skies so gray
Needing you to brighten up my day

Ok listen catch your breath cool out you need to calm down (that’s right)
Concentrate don’t go making all your time run out
See your ok it looks much worse than it really is,
and you’ll pull through come on you know how we be doing this
It’s me and you yo, you promised you can’t pull out now,
We’re friends for life so you can’t just sell me out
We shared a lot but you know we’ll see just so much more
Our wedding day and the children that we prayed for

[Chorus]

I used to depend on your rides to show me the way that I should go
My reality is blurry I’m afraid of being all alone
Your light has been my guide throughout the good and bad
I wish that I had spent a little more attention to my one and only sunshine

Listen, I’d never leave you yo, I sweared on my grave
Damn what’s that I’m feeling dizzy kinda getting faint
But it ain’t nothing didn’t sleep that much last night
From watching over you but none less I’m cool I’m fine
I said I’m feeling fine so back up off me I’m alright
I’m here to see my friends and what’s up with that blinding light
Said I don’t need to lie down I don’t need your help right now
What’s up with all the noises all the running round
You’ve got it wrong I’m not the one who needs the help in here
Yo, what’s up with you, you’re crying I see tears
Yo, what’s going on don’t leave please don’t take her out
Said I don’t understand I’m kinda feeling scared now
I said it’s getting hard to breathe getting hard to see
I’m not too sure anymore what’s going on with me
Please bring her back connect me talk just one more time
But it’s too late the last exhale is mine

[Chorus (2x’s)]

This song does so much for me.  One day I was driving and listening to this song when I had an epiphany.  I couldn’t contain my feelings, so I let my tears flow as a release of hidden pain.  I kept the song on repeat, dedicating it to myself.  To Julia.  I’m my own Sunshine.  I need to bring her back, before it’s too late.
I’ve been sad for a while.  No real reason…well there is if I’m honest with myself.  I’ve let me down.  Constantly focusing on my past, keeping me from a bright future.  Almost like I’ve been fighting with me.  Keeping myself in this box of unhappiness.  Not allowing my light to shine…at least not to myself – the one who needs to see most.  
So many tears have been shed on the inside from things I’ve done in the past.  I won’t call them mistakes because they happened for a reason.  I went through things for a reason.  They may have lasted a season, but you see, I’ve brought them from winter to spring and back again instead of leaving them where they were.  A continuous, self-contaminating cycle.  So often I wanted to push stop, but hit repeat.  Like I didn’t want to leave.  I wanted to stay there.  Who really wants to be sad when happiness is right in front of them?  Well, I did.  
Every morning I awoke declaring, “Today it’s going to happen.  I’m going to…..,” and that same morning I let myself down.  Doing everything except the one thing that mattered most.  I had become complacent in the life I was living.  “Well, I’ll just get started tomorrow.”  When tomorrow arrived, again I would say, “I’ll start tomorrow.”  Tomorrow turned into years.  Can you imagine saying the same thing every day for two plus years?  I’m witness to the fact that I did and it was too easy. 
I now know that I’ve been the one holding myself captive.  I’ve kept my dreams from becoming reality.  I’ve held myself back from years of happiness.  No wonder all of my poems have been sounding the same lately.  I’m tired of the past.  I’m ready to start living the present to better my future.  Jagaur Wright said, “The past is the past and the future is all you phuckin got, so run with that shyt.”  What can the past do for me now?  Not one thing.  So why keep living in it?  You DON’T.  I’m pressing on.
Thank you Floetry for Sunshine.  At one point in my life it reminded me of my Grandmother who passed away in 2002.  Now it allows me to reflect on the me I once was and the me I’m in transition to be.  Give Thanks!

Perspectives

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