Y’all I am still hurt over here. I still love him. And that is a genuine love. Sometimes in our anger we cover up the truth. Shoot, sometimes we bury it six feet under knowing that it will not be able to come back up for air. But sometimes it does, and when it does, it interrupts our life in ways never imagined. Almost like the movie Hello Again. (If you haven’t seen the movie this is a spoiler: it came out in ’87 about a woman who passed away and her sister summoned her back to life. Well, when she came back she found out her husband married her friend but once he saw her alive again, he wanted her back…) So, we can bury our truths hoping that they will never arise. Once they do, we have to face them and our feelings head on.
Maybe realizing that I really did love him will help me get over him. Thoughts of this man consume my nights and my mornings. Just the other day while watching a NBA game on t.v. took my mind to him because he loves sports. Little things like driving by a bowling alley, taking allergy medicine, working out…basically I think of him too much because of all we did together and all that we had in common. Sometimes my thoughts even keep me from sleeping.
I was in love with him. I psyched myself to believe that I wasn’t to make dealing with his emotions, or lack thereof, easier. In the long run, however, I am the one who is at a loss. I am the one still left hurting because I wasn’t real with myself.
They say that time heals all wounds. It seems like the more time I have, the more time I have to ponder over the realness of this reality.
_____, if you’re reading this, know that I did love you and I still do.That is why it is hard for me to be your friend right now.
Blessings & Prosperity!
This is Jewells signing out…
ETA: Words to Eric Roberson’s Pen Just Cries Away.
chorus: I tried not to write a song so sad / But when you gave all you had / And it still goes bad / It seems the pain just shows up on the pad / On the pad / As the pen just cries away
I try my best / and even I lied / to myself just to keep my smile / while all the pieces came falling down…