Why Wednesday

A guy friend and I made plans to go to the 10pm showing of Lakeview Terrace on Saturday night. Well, after getting home from the wedding, getting some food in my stomach, and just sitting down to relax, I realized that I was toooo tired. I called my friend to tell him we’d have to reschedule for Sunday after church. Cool.

Sunday rolls around. Guy and I discuss movie times. He’s busy watching football and I want to eat and take a nap. We have several options as far as times and movies. We both really want to see Miracle at St. Anna. I tell him, “Just pick a movie and a time and that’s what we’ll go see.”

“Lakeview Terrace at 7:15pm,” he says.

I pull up to the theater with plenty minutes to spare.

Wait, let me back up just a second.

Guy and I crossed paths a few months ago via Myspace. I had sent him a message saying that I was trying to meet people in my area. He messaged back about getting together for dinner or something. No introduction, no salutations, no nothing. Just let’s hangout.

Red flag #1

I slowed him down and said we could chat for a little while before meeting. So we decided to IM for a while.

During our first IM conversation he let me know that he had been married twice. His second marriage only lasting 9 months. They are legally separated until the divorce is finalized.

Red flag #2

We ended up talking over the phone a few days later. At that point, I informed him that I was uncomfortable with his prior marriage situation and would rather us end anything right then and there. He respected my wishes.

A month later he contacts me.

Against my better judgment, I decide to hang out with him.

He actually wasn’t bad at all. He looks a whole lot like Tupac, so I nicknamed him Lucky. We ended up meeting at a club and danced the night away. We had some awesome chemistry on the dance floor. I immediately felt an attraction to this guy. He felt the same way.

One day while chatting on the phone, he mentioned something about a roommate. I inquired. He told me that he lived with his father-in-law.

Red flag #3

As time moved on, we saw more of each other. Movies here, dinner there, dancing… The more we hung out, the more I thought, “Maybe him being married twice before isn’t so bad after all.” It’s funny how we can talk ourselves into and out of any situation.

One night we hung out with a few of my friends at a spot downtown. After spending most of the night dry humping on the dance floor, we decided to leave. I guess neither of us had calmed down from dancing and took the “heat” to the car where we spent a few minutes letting our lips get acquainted. I’m not going to lie, I got caught up for a minute and enjoyed the moment we shared. We drove off only to find ourselves hiding in a parking lot. More kisses were shared and a little touching. In the back of my mind something started ringing “Jewells, this is technically somebody’s husband.”The kissing ended there. He took me back to my car and we said goodnight.

From that point on, I began listening to that inner voice that felt something was wrong with this situation. Deep down, I know that I do not want to get involved with ANYone who has been married before or who has kids. Simply because I have not experienced marriage or motherhood and would prefer my mate and I to experience both events for the first time together. Plus, the fact that the divorce wasn’t final yet didn’t sit well with me.

I had planned to tell him all of this when we went to the movies on Saturday. Since I was tired, not making our date, I decided to tell him Sunday. I was ready to release the weight that had been weighing me down.

We get to the movies, find our seats at the very last row, get comfy. A woman walks by us, waves, and says hello. I smile and speak back. She was one happy sista. After her man walks by us and they sit down, I ask Guy, “Do you know her?” I asked being funny, not serious at all.

“Yes,” was what he said.

“Oh.”

“Yes, I know her very well,” he continued.

I’m curious now. “Who is she?”

“That’s my wife.”

“Ohhhhhhhkay.” I grabbed my phone, walked out, and called a friend to discuss what was going on. She basically responded in an I-told-you-so tone.

While I was outside on the phone, wifey came out. She walked right in my direction, but proceeded to look for the bathroom.

Whew. I am not about drama or confrontation.

I went back in the theater, grabbed my purse and jacket. I couldn’t even look at Guy when I said, “I’m leaving.”

“Why?” he wanted to know.

I kept on walking. Outside the door, I sent him a text and told him to come out so that I could give him the money back for the movie.

He came out. Told me not to worry about it. That’s when I told him everything. Told him I was uncomfortable with the whole situation. Not just running into his wife, but going against my desires of what I want in who I choose to spend my time with. As we were saying our peace, another woman approaches. She speaks and then gives him a half hug.

As soon as her and her man walked away, I asked, “Who was that?”

“Her sister.”

I looked him in the eye and said, “See, this is why I can’t do this. It’s a wrap.”

We walked out to our cars, talked a little more, and said our goodbyes.

When I told a couple of female friends about the situation, they all were like “What’s the big deal? Why are you mad at him?”

I was never mad at him. Like I said, he told me from jump that he was separated. He never lied about that. I had no reason to be mad at him. I was upset with myself for getting that involved. I knew that I didn’t see anything long term with him because it would always sit in the back of my mind that he said “I do” to two other women. I let my vulnerability get in the way of my better judgment. Yeah, I could’ve continued to see him, hang out with him, catch movies, dinner, dancing, but where would all of that spent time lead us? It would only lead to two people being hurt. Him and me.

So, Why do I feel so bad?

This is Jewells signing out…

ETA: I brought up the fact that we both wanted to see different movies and had different time options to show that it had to have been meant for us to run into his wife. Had we not, I still might’ve been struggling with my issues in dating him.

Perspectives

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