I decided to open the file to my old blog posts and post them over here, and what I’ve found is I seem to recycle the same issues. Granted, I love recycling plastic, cardboard, and aluminum, but problems? I’d rather not. The question is, why is that exactly what I seem to do?
“How many times do I go against Your will? Then You forgive me, but yet, I still turn around and do the things, the things I shouldn’t do, cause I belong to You, and I know You will come through.”
I started blogging in 2004 out of a need for “accountability.” Writing in a personal journal seemed so mundane. Tons of 3/4 empty journals sat on a dusty bookshelf because I wrote in them two or three times before losing interest. Instead, I logged all of my issues and concerns in the lodges of my brain in hopes things would work out on their own. Not realizing keeping things bottled in didn’t allow them to be processed fully. So, I turned to blogging. I felt if I said things out in the open I could hold myself to a higher standard of working through life. Slowly people found my blog taking accountability to another level. It became a community. A community of lost souls finding encouragement through each others’ angst and despair. I found by blogging, my thoughts were released into the Universe which in turn created an avenue for opportunities to come my way. Yes, a lot of these thoughts were negative, but in between those words were cries for help. And help came via jobs, friendships (some of which we still communicate to this day), and clarity. I learned the little ways God works things out for our good.
2007 rolled around. The end of a relationship, job injury, school & entering a new career all brought me back to the world of blogging. Realized some things about myself that weren’t the most comfortable to accept. But it was me. It was my truth, my reality. Had I not faced them, I’d be that much weaker in facing the things which stand before me now.
What I am bothered by, and what sparked this post is, no matter how many times I go through something I seem to start back in the same place: A place of fear and doubt and lack of faith. No matter how many times God brings me through, I’m back to questioning every step. I read in my study Bible today: “When God doesn’t lead you along the shortest path to your goal, are you tempted to complain or resist? If not, are you willing to trust Him to lead you safely around unseen obstacles? Since He can see your whole journey from beginning to end, He knows the safest and best route to take you.” Geez Louise, when am I going to get it? How many times does He have to show me He has my back? Maybe it has taken years for it all to sink in and for me to truly have an understanding of faith. Maybe I had to go through a few things a few times in order for me to be able to confidently walk in that understanding of faith.
In Romans 12:2 (NLT) we are told: Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. In other words, God has to constantly change the way we think. It’s not a one-time seminar we can attend and expect to use what we learn to get us through the rest of our lives. We have to consistently open up our Bibles, spend time with God in prayer and worship, constantly think on good things and work on us. We can’t go to the gym and eat right for eight weeks, lose the unwanted weight and then go back to our old habits expecting the weight to stay gone. No sir/ma’am. We must stay at it, continue to do what contributed to our success.
That’s what I believe blogging has done for me. I’ve gotten stale in some areas of my life, in my thinking, in my walk of faith, and going back over “how I got over” reaffirms just what it’s all about. Gotta keep at it, continuously put in work. Now I believe I can say, I finally get it!
Spiritual Jewel: When you get it, you really get it. Grow on!