This was a very challenging semester for me. The struggles I had weren’t so much with school but with myself. I did a lot of second-guessing of my major and my decision to be in school in the first place. I had quite a bit of self-doubt. I would get As on assignments, but when it came to exams, I struggled—constantly changing the correct answer to a wrong one because I over-analyzed. I didn’t trust myself, didn’t trust how I processed the answers to begin with. I didn’t trust the knowledge and understanding I had absorbed up to that point. As soon as the professor placed the exam in front of me, doubt crept in and took over. That bothered me greatly, not just after the text, but during. I refused to give up. I knew that as long as I kept going—to give my all to everything I put my hands to—I would be all right. And that I was.
I didn’t trust the knowledge and understanding I had absorbed up to that point.
By the grace of God, my grades don’t look like I felt. For every exam I did not do so well on, there was an assignment that I aced. I doubled-up my strengths and gave my weaknesses to the One who said “My power is strongest when you are weak” (2 Corinthians 12:9). I gave it to Him with full confidence that His grace would be sufficient, and that it was. I had to acknowledge my weakness in order for action to take place. In my hours of frustration, my knees hit the carpet.
I told God, “I. Need. Help.”
He whispered in my ear with an assuring boom, “I. Got. You.”
By the grace of God, my grades don’t look like I felt.
Nothing else needed to be said. There was no need to drop classes or drop out of school. God had me. The next morning, I put my bag across my shoulder the next morning, hopped in my car, and drove to school knowing all was well. And well it was.
The semester taught me that in order to proceed to the next level in life, there will be challenges, pain, frustration, regret, and an increasing attitude of “I don’t want to do this” that will be the very fuel to propel me to where I want and need to be. I am grateful for this opportunity to learn and grow, to discover just what I am made of, to be who and do what I am purposed for. On to the next…
Blues Note: The same is for you. You’re feeling uncomfortable and discouraged and wanting to give up because you are exactly on the path you need to be on. Don’t give up or give in. Let go of your expectations and walk the journey that God has paved for you. Keep going; He’s got you. All will be well.